When it comes to family dynamics, things can get complicated, especially when step-relatives are involved. And this can be especially true when it comes to financial responsibilities and obligations.
A stepmom, who we’ll call Tammy, confessed she knew “this was going to sound evil” before sharing her story. She has refused to pay for her stepdaughter’s travel expenses to come home.
Tammy and her husband, who we’ll call Mike, have five children. Two from Tammy’s first marriage, two children they have, and a daughter from Mike’s previous relationship.
Her stepdaughter lives far away and visits only three times a year during the summer, winter break, and spring break. To bring her out to visit, Mike must fly out to her, pick her up, and fly back with her, repeating the process when it is time for her to return home.
They previously tried using an unaccompanied minor program. However, it didn’t work out, and every visit requires at least $1,500 in in-flight expenses, usually closer to $2,500.
The couple has separate accounts for themselves and a joint one for household expenses, which they have used to pay for her stepdaughter’s flights.
However, with the cost of her eldest child attending college and the increasing cost of living, Tammy stated, “Paying an additional $3000 minimum every year is killing me!”
Tammy feels that her flight expenses should come from Mike’s account, as child support would not be joint. Mike, however, views it as Tammy not wanting to pay for her stepdaughter’s flights because she “hates her” and doesn’t view her as part of the family.
Tammy stressed that she loves her stepdaughter, but the transportation costs can no longer be a joint expense. She thinks Mike is overreacting and asks the internet for their validation. Here is how the internet responded.
Your Husband Spends More
One noted, “Your husband spends more than the price of flights for his daughter on your children each year on their day-to-day expenses, and you seem to expect that and not care.
Info – you say your kids’ day-to-day expenses come out of the joint fund. What is the cost per year, and would you be OK with paying their daily cost out of your solo account? It seems you’re OK with him paying half for most of your kid’s things but not considering that.”
This Demonstrates She Doesn’t Matter to You
Several users in the thread agreed with her husband that she doesn’t love her how she loves the other children. “You got married knowing he had a child. That means you knew you’d have to be accommodating to that relationship.
This is you saying she doesn’t matter to you, accept that message. Do with it what you will, but you need to take accountability for that.”
Your Share Should Be Higher
Someone suggested her share of household expenses should be higher since she will need to cover more people, herself, her two children, and half of the other two they share. Everything else – activities, camps, transportation, hobbies, allowances, etc. – should come from her account.
“Since you said the joint account is for household expenses, I’m guessing you consider your kids’ expenses part of that. Does covering her transportation out of mutual funds sound fairer now? You’re a jerk for counting his child differently.”
$250 Monthly Average
Finally, one stated, “It costs about 3k a YEAR to see this ‘child you adore?’ That’s $250 a month on average. Are you going to tell me there’s no lifestyle change you’re willing to make for your stepdaughter?
What’s the cable package cost? How many useless subscriptions do you have? Three grand a year is killing you, but I don’t see anything about what you’re trying to do to eliminate the issue aside from “I don’t want to.”
Do you think this Redditor is out of line, or do you understand why she doesn’t want to pay her stepdaughter’s travel expenses? This article is inspired by the internet and does not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of Savoteur.