Communicating with your children can be difficult no matter the circumstances – especially when they’re teenagers and they’re dealing with changes in their bodies, sexuality, and so much more. But one of the most challenging obstacles for parents to tackle is how to support their LGBTQ+ children when they have no idea what they’re doing and they don’t know much about the community more generally. And the first thing we want to say is that it’s okay, it’s normal and healthy to acknowledge that it can be challenging!
As with anything that is different from what you’re used to or is outside of your comfort zone, it can be very difficult to know how to navigate this new landscape. However, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try, and it doesn’t mean that it’s not your responsibility as a parent to make that effort.
So, we’ve put together a list of tips and advice for parents who want to support their LGBTQ+ children but don’t necessarily know where to start.
1. Encourage Open Communication
Encouraging your children to communicate with you and those around them is important for all parents and children, and in some ways, it’s even more important for parents with LGBTQ+ children. Not because they necessarily need it more – although some people may argue that they do – but because many children in the LGBTQ+ community feel as though they have fewer people whom they want to communicate with. Thus, it’s even more important that you, as their parents, are encouraging communication. Ask them to explain it to you. Ask them about their emotions. And always be a good listener.
But it’s about more than just encouraging communication. It’s about encouraging communication without judgment, and it’s about encouraging communication that goes both ways. Make sure that your kids know that they can talk to you no matter what.
2. Respect Their Identity
It may be difficult for you, as a parent, to come to terms with the fact that your child might adopt a different identity from what you’ve been used to. For instance, if your child is transgender, you may find it difficult to accept that the child who was born a specific sex no longer identifies as that gender.
However, their identity is not your decision or prerogative. Your child needs to come to that on their own, and it’s your responsibility to respect their identity.
3. Educate Yourself
One of the best weapons we have in life is education, and educating yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself, your child, and your relationship with your child. It’s your responsibility to learn about the LGBTQ+ community and the identity that your child relates to. Try to understand what they’re going through – read about it and ask questions. Not only will it help you understand your kid, but it’ll show them that you care enough to try.
4. Don’t Change the Way You Treat Them
Make sure that your child knows that you love them no matter what and that you aren’t going to treat them any differently. Often, many children contemplating coming out, are scared that they may be treated differently afterward – so don’t do that. Your child is your child no matter what, and it’s your job to love them just the same as you always have.
5. Advocate for Them
But it’s about more than just loving and accepting your child. Injustice for the LGBTQ+ community is injustice for your child, and injustice for your child out to be injustice for you. As part of the LGBTQ+ community, your kid is likely to have to deal with discrimination and a lot of injustice, but having parents who are willing to fight for their rights will make them feel supported and loved.
6. Create a Safe Environment for Them
As a parent, it’s your responsibility to create a safe environment for your children – in terms of communication, as we’ve said, and just about everything else. Make sure that your kid knows that you support them no matter what, and they’ll feel safe coming to you and into your home. Parents should be a place and source of refuge for children.
7. Seek Professional Guidance
It’s okay to admit that you don’t understand – and if that’s the case, seek help and guidance. Find someone who knows what they’re talking about to help you understand. And if you’re having trouble accepting your new reality, seek help – figure out why you feel that way and what you can do to be there for your kid in a true and authentic way. You owe it to them.
8. Respect Their Privacy
Communication is great and important, but it needs to be on their terms. They may want to talk about it, but they also may not – or, they may not be ready to. It’s up to them what and when they want to share, so respect their privacy and don’t pry.
9. Connect with LGBTQ+ Communities
Supporting and being there for your child means you should try your best to connect with LGBTQ+ communities. This will help you educate yourself and also help your kid be part of a broader community in which they can feel supported.
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